Dealing with Death and Parents with Human Immunodeficiency Virus

Death, as we all know, is one of the things in life that is inevitable, it’s an integral part of the cycle of life. Even though we know this, it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

We all feel the pain, although our reaction and grieving process may be different. I also believe that the pain of death varies in intensity depending on:

• Who has died
• How close one was to the deceased.
• What stage of life they were in
• How they died
• Whether it was expected or not

Story Time

My parents both have HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus). For those who don’t know, it’s a virus that damages the cells of the immune system, weakening its ability to fight everyday infections and diseases.

There is no cure, and in the past, before effective treatment was discovered, people didn’t live very long because they quickly developed AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) due to the severe damage to the immune system caused by the HIV virus.

Death of a Father

Unfortunately, this was also the case with my father, who died in his mid-20s when I was still very young. I didn’t know him personally, but I had heard stories about him and seen pictures of him. My uncle, his younger brother, was very present in my life when I was in Uganda.

Being so young at the time, we’re talking 4 or 5 years old, I didn’t fully understand what was happening, but as I got older and remembered seeing my father for the first time in a coffin, it hurt.

I never got to know him, and he never got to know me. But I think what made it worse was he died so young with a lot more life still ahead of him. Which made me wonder what his dreams were that had suddenly been cut short.

Death has a way of making you reflect and re-evaluate life, don’t you think?

More Family Tragedy

Then when I learned that my father’s family, who were from Rwanda, had been through the 1994 genocide, the grief was great.

Although I didn’t know this side of my family personally, it hurt because they were still a part of me, and every time I read or saw something about the genocide, I couldn’t help but think of my family. Those who had to face the horrors of that year, those who were not able to escape.

Couldn’t help but wonder who they were, aunties, uncles, cousins? It weighed heavy.

A mother with HIV

My mother, on the other hand, is Ugandan and lives with HIV thanks to the now very effective drug treatment that allows most people with the virus to live long and healthy lives. However, she still struggles with everyday illnesses, and I’m still afraid of losing her.

A Little Encouragement

I didn’t think that the passing of my father or his family would affect me so much, but as I grew older and learned the details of their passing; I realised that although I didn’t have a close relationship with them, the circumstances of their passing affected me a lot because I’m them and they’re me.

Death is difficult to deal with no matter the circumstances and going through the grieving process is essential in helping you to keep living. Even when life seems unliveable without them.

This just goes to show the profound impact death has on us as human beings; that even if you are not directly connected to the decreased you still feel something for those that are because death is universal.

And with that, I will leave you with this:

“Grief never ends, but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief isn’t a sign of weakness or lack of faith, it’s the price of love.”

unknown