Some people see being an only child as lucky because they don’t have to share or deal with annoying siblings. But mostly an only child is lonely and wish they had siblings (there are exceptions of course). Some may think that an only child gets everything they want, and in some cases that may be true, but not in all cases.
Story Time
I am an only child who grew up in foster care, so I didn’t get everything I wanted. Instead, I was always envious of those who had siblings because they had someone to talk to, play with, learn from and share things with.
As an only child, I often talked to myself (talk about looking crazy). Even though I had foster sisters who were siblings themselves, I couldn’t get rid of the loneliness I felt as an only child.
Luckily, my experience as an only child taught me some valuable things that have made me who I’m today. I’d like to share four of them with you.
What Being An Only Child Has Taught Me
1. Independence
I learned to depend on myself because there was no one to depend on. This meant I had to be smart in my decisions and spending because I had no family bank to fall back on in case of an emergency. By family bank, I mean mum, dad, siblings, cousins, and extended family members.
So, as you can imagine, I rarely rely on others for things, which often means I go through things alone. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t make me sad sometimes, but that’s just how life is sometimes. You learn to play the cards you’re dealt as best you can.
2. Resilience
I had to learn resilience at a young age because of the circumstances that brought me into care. You can find out more about how I got into the care system in my post on Leaving the Care System .
My resilience has helped me overcome many of the difficulties I faced when I was in care and when I left care. I talk about some of these difficulties in my other blog posts, such as being robbed.
3. Being Observant
As an introvert, being observant came naturally to me. I used it to study my surroundings and the people around me, separating the weeds from the tares as they’d say.
My interest in human behaviour fostered this even more and I’d say that it was a kind of protection for me, as I was able to assess situations well through observation.
4. Emotional Intelligence
My good observation skills helped me to develop emotional intelligence. This means that I was able to recognise other people’s emotions from their non-verbal signals, even if these emotions weren’t explicitly shown.
This knowledge was useful and enabled me to adjust my response accordingly, as I was aware of my emotions and could control them.
In Summary…
These four things have played an important role in my life, especially in my younger years, and are still relevant to me today.
Would I have learned these things if I had siblings? Maybe, maybe not. I’ll never know, but what I do know is that what I learnt at a relatively young age helped me to cope with the struggles I faced as I got older.
A Little Encouragement
To all the only children out there no matter your background, If you talk to yourself and still do so as an adult, you aren’t alone.
If you sometimes feel lonely and wish you had brothers and sisters, again you aren’t alone, others feel that way also. Fortunately, you get used to being the oldest, middle and youngest child in one and if you have cousins or good friends they can become like siblings so it’s not all doom and gloom.
And with that, I’ll leave you with this:
As an only child, you develop a strong capacity to love your own company. Although it may seem lonely, there is great strength in being alone. It’s not for everyone.
