We all know how important friendships are and the benefits they can bring into our lives. But we also know that they are not always a bed of roses they have thorns that we can learn from.
1. Not all friends are for life
Not all people who come into your life stay, and that’s true no matter how many years you’ve known them. Unfortunately, even the ones you think might last sometimes don’t. I realised this as I got older and looked back at all the friendships I’ve had over the years since school. Most of them were circumstantial friendships, which meant that once that period of my life was over, the friendship was over.
I’m sure we can all remember a friend from school, university, a previous workplace, or another institution whom we no longer have contact with. It’s part of the journey that not all friends last a lifetime, and that is okay. What is important is that we remember that they were there for a reason, whatever the season.
2. Real friends don’t take much effort
The ones that stay beyond circumstance are or usually become your friends forever. This is usually because you have connected on a soul level that transcends the context in which you met. Often these friends are like you in many ways, be it in values, intellect, or character.
It has been my experience that these friendships are effortless, meaning that you give little thought to how often you stay in touch. You may not speak to each other for months at a time, but the connection never breaks because when you do speak to each other, it’s as if you spoke to each other yesterday, you just pick up where you left off the last time.
Do you know the kind of friendship I’m talking about?
Some people need to talk every day or every other day to maintain their friendship, and if you don’t, it means stress. In other words, some friendships are high maintenance and need to be re-evaluated, especially if they cause you stress and anxiety.
Real friends understand that life is sometimes very demanding, and your silence has nothing to do with your friendship.
3. The importance of authenticity
It’s important to have friends with whom you can be yourself because when you’re at your lowest, you don’t have the time or energy to pretend to others. At those times you need friends who make you feel psychologically safe, and by that, I mean that you can talk to them about anything without feeling judged or fearing that they’ll gossip about you.
I think this is related to the second point: Often it’s the real friends with whom you can be completely authentic. The ones who see the vulnerable side of you that you wouldn’t show to everyone else. That’s because they’ve proven time and time again that they’re not just there for the high lights, but also for the behind-the-scenes stuff.
You should be able to talk about different issues, deep issues, and even if you don’t always agree, you should respect each other’s views. In other words, disagreements don’t become fallouts.
If you can’t be authentic around your friends, if you feel you must fit in to belong, or if you’re hesitant to talk about certain things because you’re afraid of what they might think, you should re-evaluate your circle of friends.
4. Letting go
Learn how to let go of unhealthy friendships. These people are often toxic, manipulative, insincere, leeches, and false, I’m sure you can add more. The point is that such friendships only affect you negatively and should therefore be cut out of your life for your own well-being. This is sometimes easier said than done.
However, I’ve also learned that there are friendships that are neither positive nor negative but have simply run their course. This may be because you have drifted apart, gone in different directions or one is growing, and the other isn’t.
It’s okay to let go of those friendships too because they may not be able to go where you’re going. It could be because they aren’t ready to learn and change, or they aren’t ready for that journey yet, but you are. Whatever the reason, don’t hold back to appease, just let go. If they are meant to be in your life, they will reappear at the right time.
5. Discernment
By discernment, I mean being able to distinguish the real from the not-so-real. You may be wondering now why I didn’t say fake because sometimes you can smell fake a mile away. The ones that appear to be real but really aren’t, are the ones you have to watch out for. They’re the ones who are secretly envious or jealous of you, but you’ll never know.
Some people disappear when they think you have nothing to offer, but as soon as you do, they come back talking about “let’s have a coffee”. I don’t think so, mate!
So, it’s very important that you take a good look at the people you let into your life. This is because some people will only befriend you for what they can get and others for what they can give in return for something of benefit to them.
A Little Encouragement
I’m sure you can add many more to this list, but whatever the lesson, use it to make better and healthier friendships.
Remember that for all the friends you lose, you’ll make new ones, that are on the same frequency as you.
And with that, I want to leave you with this:
Rita Yvonne
Be your own friend first and foremost and no matter who comes and goes, you’ll always be okay.
