Everyone goes into the care system for different reasons, and everyone has different experiences. I was lucky enough to stay in one foster home until I moved out, but I know that is not everyone’s experience. So, I speak from my own experience when I list these advantages and disadvantages.
Three things I found beneficial about foster care.
1. Learning about a different culture
If you have read some of my previous posts, you’ll know that I was born and partly raised in Africa so when I came to the UK, I experienced a culture shock.
This was compounded when I was placed in a Caribbean foster home. Not only did I have to learn the culture that prevailed in this new world, but also the culture that prevailed in my new home.
I must admit that it was very confusing at first, but I learned to appreciate and accept both cultures, even though I lost my own in the process because I had no contact with my family.
As I got older, I realised that but for foster care I would not have had the in-depth exposure to Caribbean culture that I did and for this I’m grateful.
2. Receiving a leaving care grant
When you leave care, you get a leaving care allowance that you can use to buy essentials for your new home. This is incredibly helpful in making your flat a comfortable home. Check out my post on Three Things To Remember When You Leave The Care System – The Pick Me Up (thepmublog.com) for more detail on this.
3. Some expenses are paid for you
I do not know if that’s still the case, but when I left care and moved into my own place, rent, and travel expenses were paid for by the local authority if I continued to further my education.
That was my experience when I started university, I collected my travel expenses cheque from my key worker every month. This was incredibly helpful at the time because it meant I did not have to juggle working while studying to pay all my bills.
So, I’ve told you some of the things I liked about foster care, but now I’m going to turn the tables and tell you four things I didn’t like about it.
Four things I found detrimental.
1. Loss of your own culture and identity
If, like me, you are placed in a home that has a different culture from your own, it is great to learn about the new culture, but there is also a downside; you can lose your own culture, especially if you don’t have family members around you.
This was the case with me, I ended up identifying more with the new culture than with my own. I even lost my mother tongue, because I had no one to speak it with.
2. Daily reminder that you don’t have family
I often experienced this at school when other children talked about their families, when it was parents’ evening or when I went to my friends’ house and met their families.
All these occasions reminded me that I didn’t have a family of my own, and although my foster family was good, it couldn’t replace my blood family. There was still a little voice in my head telling me that I didn’t quite belong.
3. Constantly changing social workers
This really got on my nerves, because I couldn’t build a solid relationship with a social worker before he or she was replaced by a new one. So, in the end I don’t even bother, and I could always tell the social workers who really cared from those who were just there to do their job.
4. Forced to grow up fast
Care forces you to grow up fast because you must prepare to move out and become independent at 18, and sometimes semi-independent at 17.
This often means that you have to learn and prepare for independent living in your early teens, which others your age often don’t have to do, until later on.
A Little Encouragement
Like everything in life, foster care has pros and cons, which look different for everyone. For some, a good foster family is exactly what they need to escape an abusive or traumatic environment, while for others, foster care can mean further trauma and unnecessary stress.
Whatever your experience with the system, use it to your advantage to better yourself, break bad cycles and help others who have to walk the same path as you. As the saying goes, what doesn’t break you makes you stronger.
And with that, I’ll leave you with this:
“You were born with the ability to change other people’s lives – don’t waste it.”
Unknown
